Friday, June 22, 2007

Hate Conquers All

...You say you are from CT then when I ask what town, you tell me a nicer town than your actual town, then when I tell you my hometown, you feel yours isn’t THAT bad so then you reveal the truth. Who’s fooling who here. Oh you’re from Westport but went to school in Bridgeport, who does that? Who lives in a wealthy community then decides to send their kid to a ghetto for his education? No one, you know why? Because you’re from Bridgeport and I’m from hate.

...You have your pants around your ankles as I walk into the bathroom at work. It’s a bit unnecessary to have to pull your pants down that far to tuck in your shirt. Not to mention, have you ever heard of a boxer shorts? Those tightie whities are really starting to burn my eyes and why am I even looking, what’s wrong with me? Just once I’d really love to be able to go to the bathroom and not have to deal with a naked man, with the fowl remnants of someone’s shit, with prostate man that pees for 7 hours and with grouchy guy that hates you.

...You ask a question and use double, triple or even quadruple question marks. Let me teach you a thing or two about email etiquette, the number of question marks indicates the outlandishness of your question. For instance, are you going out after work, warrants only ? A follow up question as in, are you serious deserves the ?? a triple ??? is to be used only for something of the HOLY SHIT category and finally, in only the rarest of rare cases the ???? be used to hate you.

...You ask me for my SAT scores when applying for a job. That was 15 years ago and it’s a college entrance exam, not a requirement for employment at 30 fucking years old. You see I’ve been out of college for about 8 years now, during which time, there’s quite a bit of experience, not to mention the 4 year degree I managed to obtain, it’s quite apparent that my credentials are proven and it’s quite apparent that my hate has been proven.

...You have pictures that your kid drew in your office. It’s great that when your child scribbles on a piece of paper you want to pretend it’s a work of art. Me, I’m your colleague, your kids aren’t here, they’ll never see the scribble on the paper, so put it in a drawer, save yourself the embarrassment and save me the hate.

...You walk around with a modeling pose, Derek Zoolanderish look on your face. Just because you can suck in your cheeks and put a little pout on your face, doesn’t make you a model. It’s makes you a little closer to retarded. Yes, this may be NY and yes there are actual models walking the streets, but I’ve got to level with you, being a PR’s assistant’s assistant does not make you a model, but it certainly makes me a hate.

No comments: