Tuesday, June 26, 2007

If I can't hate you, I can't hate nobody, baby

...You walk through a subway turnstile and immediately stop. In case you are unaware there is something in this city called other people, maybe you’ve seen them. Did you ever think that when you had to cram yourself into the train to the point that you’ve sexually assaulted people that perhaps someone else might be exiting the train? You have zero concept of social interaction and have zero concept of my hate for you.

...You wear a wedding ring to match your watch. If it’s gold watch day, it’s gold wedding ring day. If it’s silver watch day, it’s silver ring day. I’m curious as to what happens on leather band watch day or what if your watch is gold and silver? I mean think of the possibilities here, they’re really endless, almost as endless as my hate.

...You are holding a meeting to which several people have dial in access and then wonder why the only people laughing at your jokes are those in the room. Do I really need to break this down for you? If I do, then that should explain everything alone. You see, what you are not understanding is that you are the boss, you can see us because we are physically present in the same room, we have to laugh or at least pretend to. You can see the other people, the awkwardness of your lack of a sense humor does not travel through wires, it only travels to my hate.

...You say something is a win win. I don’t know how this blog has gone almost 2 years without ever hating the win win. For the lay person this means when two parties benefit from one another for the same job completed. For instance, you are inept, I cover for you lack of skill, we both get credit and “clients” are happy, you see, this is a win win but little do people know, this is also a hate hate.

...You continuously stalk my presence in my office. You walk by every 30 minutes, completely out of your way, to spy on my whereabouts. Is he in his office? Is he slouching in his chair? Maybe he’s on his cell phone. No, I’m doing two things, I’m doing the work that little 007 should be doing instead of spying on me and I’m sitting here writing about how much I hate you.

...You are in a meeting and do nothing but compliment the people that are actually doing your job from whom you have taken credit. Wow this person is great, he did all this wonderful work, work that I should have been doing. Look, we hired this company to do our jobs for which we are overpaid, they did such an amazing job, such a good job that they proved I am useless and am lucky to actually be employed but I’m too stupid to realize that so I give them credit and sit here getting hated.

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