Monday, June 04, 2007

Land of the rising hate

...You are in first class and stand right at the entrance to the coach section and stand. You don’t just stand, you put your hands on your hips, hold your head high and look back as if you are overseeing your kingdom, admiring your fiefdom. That little translucent curtain separating us common folk from those that have their companies pay for business class just isn’t enough. Hasn’t anyone given thought that maybe us people in the economy rows don’t want to look at the first class section? I guess one additional perk is to not only have better seats, but to make the frugal people feel like shit. One other perk of course is to be hated.

...You congregate in the aisle of an airplane. Yes, I too like to trap myself in a two foot by foot section and then when people try to pass, I enjoy pissing them off to the point of having them shout in my ear. I’m really trying to figure out if people are that stupid, are that clueless or that big of an asshole that they don’t recognize that standing in the middle of the aisle, while being morbidly obese, keep everyone else from being able to move, such as to take a piss, so instead I’ll piss on you while I’m hating you.

...You come to offer turn down service 17 times during the span of 3 hours. I only wish this was an exaggeration, I really do. But if I’m taking a nap from 5 to 8, the bed’s already turned down. Not to mention, you already turned it down at 4, when you left the disgusting fish appetizers on my pillow. Ever hear of a mint? I don’t need you to come in to fold the blanket halfway open, I think I can manage that one on my own and I think I can hate you on my own.

...You deliver room service at precisely the time preferred time indicated. So I give a range of 30 minutes then a preferred time of 9:37 for deliver of food. I swear, the second the clock hit 9:37, there goes the doorbell for room service. Don’t get me wrong I love the dedication to customer service, but people don’t even know when someone’s fucking with them or when someone’s hating them.

...You have a bow off with me. I know it’s customary and a cultural difference, but isn’t one bow enough? You bow, then I bow, then you bow, then I bow, then you bow, then I bow….I can go all night, how much do you have in you? It’s amazing, perhaps there is a secret word to make it stop, but my round eyes should give away that I wouldn’t know, I’d only hate.

...You are sitting at a table next to me, speaking Japanese and talking about me saying (in Japanese of course) “that gaijin sure knows how to use chopsticks”. Let me relate this to the white ignorant folk, it’s the same thing as saying; wow that (insert Asian ethnic slur) sure know how to eat with a fork. Exactly, it’s not rocket science, it’s 2 sticks. And I’m sure most of you are wondering how I may have come to know what they were saying, well how about the beautiful Japanese woman with whom I was dining, perhaps she might be able to translate for me and perhaps she may be able to hate for me.

...You are housekeeping for a hotel and fold my dirty clothes. All right, enough is enough, when I throw my dirty stinky clothes into the corner, I don’t expect anyone to ever be handling them again, let alone folding them. You’ve got to be kidding me. In even the finest of hotels in the states, I’m lucky if housekeeping will place a pair of pants on a chair, but fold my dirty undies is a whole other ball game and a whole other hate.

...You chase me down after I check out of a room in Kyoto with a piece of garbage I left behind. It’s a gum wrapper lady, I understand you are keeping things traditional, and it’s all the manner of the Geishas but surely you have seen a gum wrapper before and surely you do not have to present it to me with both hands. Actually, that was pretty funny and worth the hate.

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