Thursday, August 30, 2007

Crazy little thing called hate

...You say that if it rains on your wedding its good luck. Let’s put this in the things you say to people when something really shitty happens. Everyone knows that it’s bullshit, it’s raining on your wedding day, that fucking sucks, the day pretty much ruined and that’s about 100 grand down the drain. I’d like to commission a study as to if marriages are more successful if it rains on the wedding day. Why would I want to do such thing? What type of value would this provide? Well for starters this will allow me to hate you.

...You have bumper stickers displaying that your child made the honor roll. Hey complete strangers, look at how allegedly smart my child is compared to yours. I mean it doesn’t matter that straight A’s in art makes the honor roll and straight B’s in calculus and physics does not, but either way, you’re 45 and bragging about how well a 13 year old did in school, yeah for you and yeah for hate.

...You ask me to wish you luck. That kind of takes the whole luck out of it doesn’t it? Obviously this is not a task that I deem worthy of needing luck and you cannot possibly be that self conscious or insecure that you need luck just to get through your daily routine. If that’s the case, then I must be a fucking genie getting through my daily routine of hating you.

...You walk into a fairly empty movie theater and choose the seat directly in front of me. Its as though you go out of your way to be annoying, the odds of you randomly choosing the seat right in front of me are so slim, you had to do it purpose. You must have said to yourself, hmm, that guy picked a great seat, I like the way he thinks, now all I have to do is choose the one directly in front of him and I’ll get a better viewing of the movie. Well indeed you did get a better viewing, but I got a better hating.

...You are yet again another anti-gay republican that turns out to be a gay man. At what point do we just assume that if you say you are anti-gay and you’re republican, well then you are in reality, gay. Hey I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being gay, I’m saying there’s everything wrong with hating gay people and gay rights when you are gay and I’m saying there’s everything right with hating you.

...You do not see the urgent need to have bathroom stalls that go to the floor. If we had bathroom stall walls that went all the way to the floor, we wouldn’t have a problem with some people that have a “wide stance” when shitting or men tapping a foot to signal their need for a penis in their mouth. While we’re at it, how about adding a partition between the urinals, this might help put an end or dramatically reduce getting George Michaeled in the men’s room and reduce my hate of you.

…You invented the pile driver. Picture it, two 300 pound men standing next to each other, one man picks up the other man, turns him upside down thereby allowing each man’s face to be in the other’s crotch/anal region. This really is quite the “sport” gentlemen. Its okay if you like each other, be free, but what you don’t need to do is pretend as though you are not by putting on a show for everyone so that we can hate you.

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