Friday, August 24, 2007

Friday I'm in hate

...You give a farewell tour then proceed to tour for the next 15 years, every single year. I love this, farewell tour this summer, cancel all your plans, pay top dollar because you may never see us again. I recall my first experience with such chicanery, the year was 1993 and the band was the Cure. They were embarking on their first of many many final tours. Fast forward 15 years and I’ve seen the Cure at least 4 times since then and now they’re recording a new album, well lookie here, I’m recording a new hate.

...You are The Cure. Please dude give the brooding depressed guy routine a break, what are you 50? The only more pathetic person is Madonna still parading herself in underwear at 50. Madonna has actually now become the old lady Molly Shannon played on SNL proclaiming how great she looks at 50. But at least she’s not pretending to be emo. What is this guy so depressed about anyway? He sounds like a 50 year high school kid sitting in his bedroom drawing pictures of dead people and reading about hated people.

...You have personalized license plate. Are you really that desperate for attention? You’re what, 60 and you’re plate says, QTPI, I hate to tell you, but I don’t think so. How about the dude with the red sports car with a plate reading, howudoin, the quintessential douchebag plate. I have a new quintessential plate and it reads ih8u.

...You write on the label of a package of peanuts that this food product has been processed on a machine that processes peanuts. Really? I better not eat the fucking bag of peanuts then should I. Is there really this much confusion in the world that people buying a bag of peanuts need to be reminded that the product contains peanuts so if you’re allergic stay away? Was there really a person that bought peanuts, that questioned if the product contained peanuts? Is there really a need or reason for me to hate you?

...You tell my colleague that you hope I choke on my lunch and die. Really? First of all, I’m surprised he could understand you because you speak with marbles in your mouth. Second of all, I simply am trying to get a stupid invoice paid, I sent it to you 2 months ago, you said I needed additional approval, being a corporation, that process took 2 months, now I send it back to you for payment and you say it’s missing something else. All I wanted to know is why you didn’t tell me that 2 months ago when I first tried to get this stupid invoice paid. I have a pretty good reason why, because you are so fucking lazy all you wanted to do was get it off your desk, then, I called you out, so now your pissed and want me to die and now you’re hated.

...You are speaking at a conference and talk about how rich you are. Hey look at me you 20 something year olds, I’m 60 and I’m rich. Is this the way you choose to make yourself feel better and how you overcompensate for your shortcomings? I can understand that at my age, you broke, you were living in a one room apartment with cockroaches and look at you now. Yippie, hooray for you. I’m so proud that over a period of 40 years you managed to finally get a job, so shut up and ask your wife to give you some attention, because all I’m giving you is hate.

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