Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Merchant of Hate

...You see a friend of yours near the front of a Starbucks line that’s 20 people deep and walk up to cut in line. Not to sound like I’m 8 years old, but perhaps you didn’t notice that we’re all in line here, knowing someone at the front doesn’t entitle you to get your coffee before me. I know the barrista, so by your logic, I never have to wait in line, but no, I wouldn’t do that, because I’m trying to live in a society of civility, a world with rules and a world with hate.

...You are at the gym on a machine next to me and while you are huffing and puffing you turn to face me breathing your nasty stank breathe on me. Have you heard of brushing your teeth? Mouthwash? Or even a freaking mint? I don’t need to be working out and then suddenly start to feel a man breeze on my face followed by the stench of garbage that is your breathe. When working out, you look straight ahead, never breathe to your sides and always hate.

...You see me eating a muffin or bagel and make a comment about my eating of carbs. Yes how observant of you, I AM eating carbs, they taste good, plus, perhaps you have not noticed, but I am thin, you are not. Do the math. Somehow your whole no carb diet isn’t exactly working out for you now is it? While we’re on this subject, let’s try to refrain from sticking your big nose into my business. I’m eating, leave me the fuck alone, keep your mouth shut and let me just hate you.

...You ask me my favorite baseball team I tell you, then you proceed to talk shit to me every time I see you. You know guy, I don’t really like baseball THAT much and even if I did, I’m not a shit talker, you say whatever you want because it’s pretty pointless to act as though you are actually on the team and that I actually play or even care. You have had absolutely nothing to do with “your” team’s win, except contributing to the owner’s profits by going to one game. You do not play, therefore you do not talk shit and therefore I hate.

...You are the guest that wouldn’t leave. It’s a party, you come by for a few hours, you hang out have a few drinks, then it starts to wind down a bit, the party thins out. You are having a good time so you don’t want to take off just yet. The party continues to wind down, the music is now off, the host is rummaging through the kitchen for some leftover food and 2 drunk people are passed out on the couch, but you persevere. You won’t give up, you want to be the last man standing. It’s now 4 in the morning, the host has gone to bed, the lights are out, the only light to be seen is from the TV so you pick up a magazine, grab some chips and pull up a chair because you’re just getting warmed up and have long been getting hated.

...You are away for the night, but fail to turn off your alarm clock. Now I have to suffer all the next morning while you’re away and the alarm’s a ringing. You see, when you wake up in the morning to an alarm, you have three options, snooze, reset and the illusive OFF. Knowing that you will not be present in the future, one would expect an off setting, but on the contrary, yours is reset leaving a little piece of you for everyone to enjoy the following Saturday morning. The only problem is the everyone is just me and the hate is just you.

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