Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Everybody wants to hate the world

...You provide me with a detailed play by play of your weekend hook up first thing Monday morning. Well thank you beast woman, my life is so much more full now that I have your grotesque horror stories of you fornicated with some poor unfortunate intoxicated soul. I would have to say he must have a case against you in some sort of harassment or rape suit because no man in good conscience would dare go for the ride with you; he would only hate you.

...You create a problem at work, I inform you of said problem and you reply with “no worries”. No worries? No none for you apparently, but you my friend created a mess. Every time you fuck something up, I have to fix it and every time you do something, you fuck it up which means I’m always fixing you’re shitty job and it means I’m always hating you.

...You hear people at work down the hall talking and just can’t help yourself but to interject your dumb comments into the conversation. All right, you’re not even in the eyesight of anyone speaking, so now you are just an errant voice, except that your comments are not in any way funny and have very little to no relevance to the conversation at hand, it’s merely a feeble attempt on your part to attract attention to yourself because your such a beast that no one likes you, they only hate you.

...You have sandwiches set up in some sort of mass feeding area such as a conference and place the bread after the meat. Silly as this may sound, wait until you’re at some buffet table trying to make a sandwich when you come across the some may and mustard, then you get to the meat after which lies the lettuce and tomato and finally the bread. Who concocted such a scheme, someone must have been filming this because the chaos that ensued was nothing short of hated.

...You are participating in a conference “break out” session where a simple discussion is being had and are taking vigorous notes throughout. I wasn’t aware that we’ll be tested on the material afterwards. You know I can understand writing down a couple of insightful things that were said, but to periodically recap to the table before we move on to the next topic is nothing short of hated.

...You are behind me walking into a store, as I pass through the door, I hold the door open behind me to let you in, I head to the counter, you follow, but then you don’t stop behind me, you go directly to the front of the line as though you are exempt from line waiting. Not only are you blatantly cutting me in line, but you then deny that I even held the door for you. You’re either delusional or fucking nuts, in either case please go ahead of me I’d rather live today and I’d rather hate today.

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