Friday, September 14, 2007

When you wish upon a hate

...You send me an email on Saturday. Well hey everyone, look at how this guy is working so hard, he even has to come in Saturday, he’s sacrificing his weekend while you’re out at the beach having a grand ol time. If you’re coming in to the office on Saturday consists of sending emails, well then you have no point in being in the office on Saturday. You are sending the Saturday emails for sole purpose of showing people that you’re at work and no one else is. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. In fact, I’m starting doubt the point of your employment all together. If you can’t get your job done during the week, then I call you inefficient and then I call you hated.

...You give me cuff links for Christmas and then say you will get them engraved for me, but then reneg on your offer. So the cuff links are definitely nice, can’t wait to wear them, oh you’ll get them engraved for me? That sounds nice. Oh you will take them and then pick them up and then give them back to me? Even better. This all sounded so nice in theory, way back at Christmas of 2005. We’re now fast approaching Christmas ’07, no engraving, no cuff links, only hate.

...You ask if someone knows fashion, then wonder if they ever heard of joe boxer. I didn’t realize knowing a brand of underwear required fashion industry credentials. That’s like asking if someone has ever heard of Levi Jeans. Are you a professional athlete? No? Oh well then you probably never heard of the Yankees. Do you have your own blog? No? Oh well then you probably don’t know that I hate you.

...You see a preview at the movies for a scary movie and scream at the scary parts of the preview. Did I mention this is a preview? The scene is not even set up yet, you don’t even know the story or what’s going on, just someone getting stabbed on the screen. I’m actually scared to see you in everyday life, how do you cope with anything because I’m not so sure how a preview translates into fright, but I’m certain how you translate into hate.

...You respond to me saying I am going to be out sick, by saying ok. A “hope you feel better” would be nice. Of course we both know I’m normally playing hooky, but this time I’m puking out of my ass, a little sign of being a human from time to time would be nice. It’s like you just assume I’m out interviewing because god forbid you understand that I actually have a case of the Montezuma’s revenge because then I wouldn’t be able to hate you.

...You have a jack and jill wedding shower. Let’s not get started on the annoyance of all the wedding events that take place, but hey, I’m a guy so most of them are for women, that is until now. What kind of loser asshole man decided or gave into his soon to be torturer that now instead of the women gathering to exchange houseware, the men should show up. This is for what reason now? Oh right just of the many many reasons I hate you.

1 comment:

Owen said...

Many people say cufflinks are in the past, but from my viewpoint, they are wrong. Cufflinks are here to stay, maybe to dress up at weddings, special events or for a simple good time. They really do give a formal egde and every single time I give a pair to someone, they think it's the most awesome thing to happen to them since sliced bread.