Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rebirth of Hate

...You fire me from my job because of this blog. Oh boo hoo some kid hurt my feelings because I may or may not have been referenced in his blog. Let’s not be so arrogant to think I was even talking about you. In the cases I was, it’s a fucking joke, take that large stick out of your ass and get a sense of humor. In case you hadn’t noticed most of the hate is about myself, my girlfriend, my family, my friends, co workers and random strangers. This is not an actual account of people I hate, except now of course for you.

...You sneeze and make an exaggerated AHHHH, AHHHHHH, CHHOOOOOOOOOOOO. Ok, we get it, you’re here, yay for us. All the prairie dogs are popping up out of their cubes to see that it was the 40 yr old woman that didn’t get enough attention from daddy when she was 12 and now has to disrupt an entire office every time she sneezes, to her dismay this does not attract the desired attention, it only attracts my hate.

...You make a point of telling everyone you worked all weekend, a holiday weekend no less, when someone asks how your weekend went. Hooraay for you, it takes you that much longer to get done what everyone else gets done in less time. You are a model of inefficiency and you are a model of hate.

...You explain 7 times in a 3 minute conversation that you read the material we are discussing “over the weekend”. So what you’re telling me is that you read this during the weekend? You mean that time when people tend to their personal lives, like friends and family, those things that you are apparently lacking and are only capable of tending to my hate?

...You decide that on February 28th it is relevant and appropriate to wish someone Happy New Year. My friends, we are on the brink of something special here, this is it, this is the thesis of my blog. Do people ever think before they get out of bed in the morning? And I do mean that early because it will take you that long to really think about something by the time you open your mouth and by the time I hate you.

...You call me to tell me you are sending me an email. You are a beacon of productivity, if someone needs a job done, you are the person to call. I pray that some day I will be able to understand the reason behind a phone call where you say: hey I’m sending you this email, you will see it, I’d like you to open and read it. I’m going to start calling you to say: Hey I’m writing in my blog, I would like for you to go to my site and be hated.

...You are a rather portly girl at the gym and pull your unimagineably tight spandex up 3 inches beyond your navel to thereby “hide” the rolling hills that are your gunt. Somewhere along the line this misappropriation of spandex got out of control. By covering your rolls with the tight stretchy material, you only accentuate your repulsiveness and accentuate my hate.

...You claim that your brand new paper thin mac book was stolen. Well perhaps that’s because you were just too busy writing your screenplay at hipster friendly version of Starbucks. I know you’re just dying to be the next Diablo Cody, but making sure everyone sees you attempting to make the wittiest piece of entertainment in the last 7 minutes is more important, which is why when you went to get your 4th refill some one swiped your mac book and left you with hate.


Doc said...

It's so good to have hate again...You didn't really get fired because of this blog, did you?

What was the invited guest only thing going on with this site for a while?

Doofi said...