Sunday, March 02, 2008

I got my hate set on you

...You arrive at yoga class about 20 minutes early so that you can get the spot right up in front and start your warm ups. Let’s all try to understand this shall we? You are doing yoga, which consists of stretching, so in order to warm up for your stretching, you stretch. I know what you’re really up to, you have to prove to everyone that you know what you are doing and are some sort of yoga expert, thereby making you better than everyone in the class. You know what, you get the gold medal of YMCA yoga class, you deserve it champ, because all the people that actually practice yoga are not doing so during a free class at their local Y, they are only hating you.

...You walk into a coffee room at the office, see 2 or more people and then say “wow, looks like a party”. I’m not sure what kind of parties you go to, but my impression of a party is not 3 people avoiding eye contact as they wait in line for shitty Flavia coffee. My idea of a party consists of lots of alcohol, 3 midgets, a pony, rubber gloves, eye protection and hate for you.

...You are an old 3 foot tall, hobbit shaped woman with cankles the size of my thighs that when walking can barely move, but when you enter a subway you move quicker than LT during his peak coke days as you dash for a seat. Is getting a seat really that important to you? I’ve seen you bulldoze kids and even baby’s in strollers just for that prime germ infested piece of real estate. I hope you’re happy with that seat as you go from 23rd street to 28th street, god forbid you have to stand for 17 seconds and got forbid I commute without hating you for 17 seconds.

...You are waiting in a line and leave a gap between you and the next person of at least 5 feet. This is great, now it looks like there’s a group of people just sort of hanging around either borderline Forrest or not in the line, so the next 3 people that enter the store get in front of you, which means, they’re in front of me, which means, another 5 minutes of life will be spent waiting in a line, which means I hate you.

...You insist on creating an agenda for a meeting that indicates three “action items”. If you are incapable of saying the three things you need to talk about at the very beginning of a meeting, perhaps you don’t belong holding meetings. Its three things, two of which, everyone already knows because that’s why they’re attending the meeting in the first place, the third of course is a detailed explanation of why I hate you.

...You create an agenda for a meeting as the first order of business, you list: Agenda. So you had to create an agenda to tell everyone in a meeting that you’ll be talking about the agenda. This is circular logic, it’s a dog chasing it’s tail, it’s throwing up before you eat, it’s two mirrors facing each other and it’s me hating you.


Doc said...

That's unbelievable.. the firing story.

do people not have anything else to do then to worry if someone is making fun of them. All I know is that I made this blog once and i took at as an honor. F them. Glad to see you back in form though.

Doofi said...

you only made it once? hmmmmm I'll have to work on that.

Doofi said...

PS do you still work at the same place? send me your email address...