Thursday, March 06, 2008

I've abandoned my child! I've abandoned my hate!

...You speak in whisper voice. There are two acceptable whispers, a dog whisperer or to tell me something dirty that can’t be spoken at normal conversational levels. You on other hand speak only in whisper speak, speak the fuck up you self conscious, socially inept, annoyance. Just because you’re dumb, doesn’t mean you should whisper, that only makes me ask you to repeat yourself 7 times. In fact, try not saying anything at all, after which, I’ll try not hating you.

...You respond to the question “how are you” by saying, good, busy but good. No one asked if you’re busy all right, its as though you are telling that other person, they can’t possibly understand the amount of work you are enduring. Certainly not, because apparently you have to chit chat all day on the phone telling everyone you know how busy you are, that must be exhausting. I think you have a checklist of people to call each day of the week to express how busy you are and I have checklist of people to blog each day to express how hated they are.

...You make it a point to let everyone know that you worked “late” the night before. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I was here much later than you, not because I have to, but because I wanted to see what the fuck you actually do, you stayed about 5 minutes past the last person that left, which was 7:05. Wow, that’s a long day, working 930 to 7. Do you have any concept of what it means to work? Not to wear a badge of honor for hours worked, but working 45 hours a week is nothing, try anywhere north of 80 then come talk to me. I feel like I’m on vacation with these BS jobs, I can do your job in about all of 1 hour a week the rest of the time, I just sit around and hate you.

...You say you used to speak Spanish, but not very good. Apparently English isn’t your fortay either. It’s well you fool, well. I guess this means you had 2 years of high school Spanish, right? You’re not some 75 yr old grandma that emigrated from Cuba when she was 15 and stopped speaking the language to assimilate. You’re a 30 yr old fat girl from Long Island that can’t even speak English correctly, you never could speak Spanish, conjugating the verbs ir and ser does mean you once spoke Spanish, it means you only know hate.

...You bang your arm/hand against a table or desk when you are making an emphatic point or listing out items. Oh the life and times of an idiot, sitting amongst the masses is great, you can really connect with the unfortunate segment of the population. I know you worked so hard to remember those 6 words, you’re a champ! You did it all on your own without any note cards, you didn’t even shake your head with each word this time. Please do us all a favor and just go away, just disappear no questions asked, this way, I won’t have to hate you.

...You work in a deli and wear a prophylactic on your hand in hopes of preventing the spread of germs from your poop infested hand, yet when people go to pay, you take their money with said prophylactic covered hand. Do you have any concept of where money has been? No, of course not because, if you did, you would realize that it’s dirtier than a port-o-potty toilet. Try using the glove hand for food, the naked hand for money, and my blog for hate.

...You have asymmetrical hair. You are either on the cutting edge of 2005 fashion ORRRR you have several bald spots and have concocted a creative way to cover your aging scalp. I vote the latter, although I’m sure you are bit of both. You notice some thinning of the hair, some scalp spots, then being that you are too old to be cutting edge, you think of styles of from 3 or 4 years ago and there you have it, there you have me hating you.

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